Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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