that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
