Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No subtext here. People are naked.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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