i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i out mim tonsoeep
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
