The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
