After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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