Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
