Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
