Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
