My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
