I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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