my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
