new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
