I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
