Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
