My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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