You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
