im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize