reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
