i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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