I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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