Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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