i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
