im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
