god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
