Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
