i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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