Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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