Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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