I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
