every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
