Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Houston, we have a blender
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
