From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
