The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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