Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
