i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize