i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Every concussion has its silver lining
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
