fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
