Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize