Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
