he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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