she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
