You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
