Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
