I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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