someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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