I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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