he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
