this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I checked into jail on foursquare
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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