she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
