I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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