She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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