So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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