My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
