ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
