Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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