Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
