I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
