he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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