I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
