a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
