Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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