his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
