if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
