so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
