I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
