Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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