We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
