What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
