This is not my ceiling
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
