the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
