A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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