my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
