Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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