Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(601): View more from Mississippi

There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.

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(815): View more from Illinois

im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

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(330): View more from Ohio

I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS

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(217): View more from Illinois

I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them

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(805): View more from California

You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?

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(678): View more from Georgia

when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets

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(614): View more from Ohio

He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes

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