I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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